The Comedy of Astonisher Iditor Ben Bogan English, But No One Was Laughing When the Bully Bit The Hand That Feeds It.

Why the ‘Elite Few’ have got Townsville by the balls … and you don’t even know some of those who are doing the squeezing. But The Magpie beaks around … and joins some unsettling dots for you.

Also in this week’s Nest … the comedy of Astonisher iditor Ben Bogan English but no one was laughing when The Townsville Bulletin trashed half the local property market as unsellable … not to mention a blatant act of racial cowardice by the paper.

Also, hard rubbish, hard cash and hard facts … a perspective you won’t find in the mayor’s daily PR hand-out aka The Townsville Bulletin.

But first …

We all shuddered a bit back in 1970 – either with delightful daydreaming or dread depending on your point of view – when the film Patton highlighted the background of the fascist-leaning US General, who, like Douglas MacArthur, had had designs on the US presidency.

Neither of those battle-hardened, taciturn warriors made it to The White House but, Christ, why were we worried – look who did! A pudgy, Martini-hardened wrestling promoter and misogynist who would rattle a good sabre if he knew where to find it on his rifle – if he knew what a rifle was.

Bazza Obama has had his traditional retiring president world victory lap complicated as he tries to hose down world apprehension, but his carefully couched warnings are probably making things worse. And Bentley thinks Trump is not so much an old dog who needs to learn new tricks, more that he needs to forget old ones.

And they reckon Michelle is still moaning

On the other hand, there are those who say this is the first time a white billionaire has evicted a black family in order to move into their house.

But like an earthquake, the aftershocks keep coming as The Trumpet announces his team to help run the country.

But an alarming question: has he secretly been recruiting the dead? Consider this.

This is the ultra-right wing, say-anything Sydney shock jock Stan Zemanek, who died in 2007. He made Alan Jones look like a pinko commie bastard.

And this is a key Trump appointee announced during the week, an ultra right wing, say-anything activist named Stephen Bannon … or that’s what they SAY his name is. The ‘Pie isn’t fooled, Stan’s been channelled, now where did the old bird leave his tin foil hat.

Some Quotes From The Week

It is given newspaper lore that a good sub-editor primarily needs two things: a command of language … and a dirty mind to be alert for accidental innuendo. This latter gift was certainly not possessed whoever was in charge of this puff piece in Friday’s paper.

One doubts with looks like that that Ms Cowe’s – ahem – personal recreational activities will not be restricted to Tully and Townsville – especially if she gets to meet the new US President-elect. She sure ain’t no silly old moo.

And another local notable quote this week begs the question:

Is Paul ‘Angry Ant’ Jacob is angling for a job on the Diplomatic Corps? Here’s our northern beaches blow-hard replying on Facebook to a concerned ratepayer about the kiddy crime tsunami. ‘I suggest instead of just complaining, get of (sic) your arse and get involved in the real world.’

That ‘real world’, according to Angry Ant, was a couple of gabfest meetings that allowed people to vent but achieved no action. The Ant himself said it is nothing to do with the council, it’s a state matter.

Well, councillor, the betting is all who read that will certainly ‘get off their arses’ next local government election day.

But When It Comes To Cowardly Wimping Out, The Bulletin Wins Hands Down

This was the silly front page that apparently lifts our mayor into the realms of lawmakers and shot callers for the state judiciary. Well that’s just a bit of Sydney Telegraph tomfoolery from that paper’s former deputy editor English, but the healthy dose of racism comes when we go to the ediortial page. See if you can spot a wee problem.

WTF the kid is … white???

WTF indeed! Now let me point out that the Bulletin cartoonist (who lived in Bowen when The ‘Pie was at the paper) would often get the gist of what was required through a daily chat with the editor, so he no doubt got his riding orders from English or his deputy. And who knows, the ‘toonist may have his own thoughts on what ended up in the paper, he was always a decent bloke.

This paper really has lost its head … that cartoon has no doubt outraged plenty of white people because we all know that as much as 90% of the kiddy crime wave is by indigenous kids allowed to run wild by their parents. Talk to coppers … and The ‘Pie has talked to plenty of them … and they’ll tell you the fact of the matter. Bluntly, too. You might note that every single one of the Cleveland rioters in the front page pictures in the papers was black.

That’s just a simple fact, not that this pussy of a paper would be game to mentioned it (oh, for the days of a good editor like Mick Carroll, who refused to dance to the reverse racist game with a the policy of naming the race of offenders when appropriate.)

But OK, maybe it might be unfair to put in a black kid instead… and you can just hear the aboriginal industry clearing the bile out of their throats ready for a reverse racist blast if that happened.

The answer is simple, if anyone bothered to think about it. PUT TWO KIDS IN THE CARTOON, ONE OF EACH, YOU CHUMPS. This is just the sort of thing that drives people to distraction, this (southerners’) fear of being labelled redneck by the southern elites.

And they wonder why Trump was elected?

But Back To Quotes

The ‘Pie’s favourite quote of the week goes to blog commenter Alex de Large, who sent in the following:

Alex DeLarge November 14, 2016 at 9:46 pm (Edit) I see that Port Stephens Council is naming their new women’s refuge after their mayor – who was convicted in 2009 of seriously assaulting his wife. What next? The Jenny Hill Centre for The Arts?

Somewhat unlikely, Alex, and The ‘Pie has unearthed proof that the Perc Tucker purge was long in the planning. This exclusive pic from earlier in the year.

Ratepayers Be Wary

Hard facts about hard rubbish.

From a commenter.

So the hard waste collection is on it’s way. Mooney did this in his time and swore he would never do it again. The whole thing became a dogs breakfast and the costs simply blew out. Mooney was only dealing with the old Townsville City Council area not the council area we have today.

Just what can you leave out? If the Mullet follows the very few councils who are stupid enough to get involved in this fiasco you will only be allowed to leave out white goods, furniture perhaps an old mower. White goods must by law have the doors removed for fear a child may become locked inside a fridge or a freezer and die. No batteries, tyres, gas cylinders or paint just to name a few things.

So what happens when the white goods are out but still have the doors on? What happens when tyres, paint, gas cylinders, batteries and other dangerous goods are left out? Who is going to police these matters? It can’t be the contractors because they have no power to do so. So that leaves the local laws officers who will be out on rubbish patrols rather than doing their regular jobs such as catching dangerous dogs.

The excuse will be given that residents will be told what they can leave out but we all know these rules will be ignored. When the local laws officer knocks on someones door to tell them to take the rubbish back inside the response will be its not my rubbish it was dumped on my footpath last night you take it.

The story will be only one pick up per area or you miss out. We know this will not work and there will be repeated visits as people fail to leave their rubbish out at the right time but will demand they get the service as was the case during the green waste pick up after Yasi.

Rural areas are being treated like second class rate payers who won’t get a pick to their property. We are told this is to help those who don’t have access to a ute or a trailer. You’ll still need one if you live out of town just to get to the skip bin. Just how much will this bin take before it is full?

We are told this is to help the aged and disabled who can’t handle their rubbish to take it to the dump. How do these very same people manage to man handle this rubbish onto their footpath?

This will have zero impact on illegal dumping. The only difference now is you can dump you rubbish on someones footpath. This not a cyclone clean up you will not be able to leave out much of the material that will become a dangerous flying object during a cyclone.

How on earth does a business tender for this job when no one can tell them just how many properties will leave out rubbish. Will be 10%, 20%, 50% of properties? Who knows. So if their smart they will tender high to cover themselves or ask for extras to be built into the contract. The full cost of this will be split up over two budgets to try to hide the real cost. Don’t hold your breath waiting for any form of accurate reporting on this farce by the Bulletin currently they are nothing more than a cheerleader for the mayor.

On top of that as the Magpie pointed out our city will look like down town Bagdad for months during our peak tourism season. Perhaps we can take some of those cruise ship passengers on bus tours around the city to show them the sights. I take care of my own rubbish. Why should I pay for the other lazy bastards to have their rubbish taken away. This going to cost a fortune. The mayor should only charge those who leave rubbish out and leave the rest of the respsonsible rate payers alone.’

Seems that desperation is mixed with confusion down in the Iditor’s office at The Astonisher. This from Tuesday;s Bulletin.

Ignoring the fabricated nonsense of the barely disguised ad pleading for more readers, Ben English’s claim about readership growth is EXACTLY wrong – but hey, we all know about The Astonisher and numbers.

Bogan says that the Audit Bureau of Circulations (ABC) has credited the paper with the highest growth rate of readership of any paper in Australia – up 3.6% Mon to Fri and 2.1% on Saturdays. Only problem is that the Audit Bureau measures ‘circulation’ only, not ‘readership’. These increases come from a desultory take-up of digital subscriptions (roughly a thousand), following six months and hundreds of thousands of dollars of advertising space. And if you subtract the 1561 ‘bullshit’ claimed print ‘sales’ … read giveaways … the paper sadly remains in circulation deep shit, If the equation between results and cost was for any other product for a paying advertiser, they’d want their money back. But here’s the thing … if it were readership figures, they would actually be multiplied by X6 (emma) or X3.5 (Roy Morgan). So seems the Astonisher boss can’t even get the good news right. Sort of fits with the paper’s policy, though.

Start Packing, Benny Boy.

But if Mayor Mullet – which the paper continually points out keeps her campaign promises – has her way, Iditor English is to be run out of town anyway. Remember her empty campaign boast that she would run anyone talking Townsville down out of town?

If this is a campaign promise she wants to keep, you’re on your way, Mr English. And you’d better stay ahead of the literally tens of thousands of folks who are baying for your blood after Friday’s totally unnecessary and sensationalised body blow to the local property market.

Things are grim, we all know that, but the put-upon ratepayers and crime victims of Townsville hardly need this on top of everything else. Instead of general stats in a worthy story, suburbs are named with the amount of crimes linked to percentage falls in house prices. And guess what? Seems Ben English’s newly acquired property down opposite Jezzine Barracks … that would make it North Ward … isn’t in the list. Strange that that is one of the locations inhabited by the Gilded Few. Of which this editor is certainly one.

And Finally ...

The Magpie rarely goes in for gory disaster stories, but here is one for which you’d better cover the kiddies eyes.

The Townsville Bulletin is now demanding a helicopter to help locate the culprit and curb this out-of-control criminality. The Greenies suggest that the Roadrunner is an endangered species just protecting itself, and the aerial snipers should be called off.  Mayor Mullet called a meeting to form a Boulder Consolidation Certification Committee.

And Coralee O’Rort said ‘Huh’ ???’

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